Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
