No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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