Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
