I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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