who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
