The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
