Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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