hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
