no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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