Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize