the condom got lost in my hair
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
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it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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