I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
