no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
