Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
