I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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