Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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