I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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