i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
