Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It's never too late to be topless.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".