Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.