Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.