i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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