I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
