i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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