So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
