either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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