eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So. Much. Porn.
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