Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
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i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
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I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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