Umm I'm too high to move.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Green mimosas i think yes
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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