TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
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I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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