remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
