Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
pop tarts are not kleenex
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
