hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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