After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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