Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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