Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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