Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
