Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
