I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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