Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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