so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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