I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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