This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
