Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize