Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
