there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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