Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
