WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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