um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
