when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
