dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
