he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
