Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
