Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
