is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize