I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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