Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
