I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
