I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
