All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
