That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
