I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
