margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
