apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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