Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
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Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
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all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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