I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
