I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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