I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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