I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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