i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
