I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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