I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
