So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
