and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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