Whatcha textin bout Willis?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You made out with two different species that night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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