I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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